Yearnings...

it is 20.29/7/01/07
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The headline sin a major national paper reads

The Sunday Times January 07, 2007

Revealed: Israel plans nuclear strike on Iran
Uzi Mahnaimi, New York and Sarah Baxter, Washington
ISRAEL has drawn up secret plans to destroy Iran's uranium enrichment facilities with tactical nuclear weapons.

Two Israeli air force squadrons are training to blow up an Iranian facility using low-yield nuclear "bunker-busters", according to several Israeli military sources.



The attack would be the first with nuclear weapons since 1945,
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/article/0,,2089-2535310,00.html

Ah Israel, the bastard Creation of the British Empire & America;the state which should not exist and has no right to exist. Personally I am not a big fan of Israel(If you had not have guessed)or its totalitarian government which has for the past 50 years undertaken a systematic genocide against the Palestinian peoples. This genocide moreover has been funded and fulled by America and the America regime due to elements in America who deem the establishment of the state of Israel as some sort of prophecy of the second coming of Christ. (the fact that both Jews and Christians have perverted the teachings of the earlier prophets does not seem to register). we saw America's support for Israel in the recent invasion against Lebanon-itself resulting from continuous Israeli occupation and attacking of Lebanon. It was nice to see Israel get its butt kicked by Hezbollah though and any nuclear strike on Iran will make the situation in the Middle east a million times worse. I am not a big fan of The Iranian PM but he doe shave a right to have nuclear technology, as does every sovereign nation and moreover the infamous speech where he apparently said he wanted to 'destroy Israel' has been misunderstood and anyone who knows Persian will explain he actually said 'Zionism' not 'Israel'. Let it also be stated for teh record that i have nothing against Jews or Israelis as people, in fact my good friend Eden is Israeli...I just believe in Justice and this is far from it.

Life is interesting. I thought I saw someone who looks like Charming today in Oxford City Centre which led to a whole flood of emotions coming through. anger, regret, remorse-Charming was the first person I really really loved. People who know me me say 'what about Fran and Kumiko'.In hindsight Fran was nothing more than a very good friend-i was stupid to ever think we could be serious, if nothing else our educational background was vastly different let alone culture( though culture is less of an issue as I will marry someoen who is a different culture) I guess this is why it was not so hard to forgive her, not because I'm so forgiving(well I am, but...)the harsh truth is I doubt I ever really loved her and in truth if she ever really loved me. this is not to say she is a bad person or i am just that we were both mistaken-though I will never forget how she told me she had found someone else(whom she will marry). it was a good thing really in hindsight. I will do a DPhil soon...

I miss Kumiko too but she hated China and the Chinese too much. I love Japan and I really did care about Kumiko and if she did not have an irrational hate of Our Chinese nation I think we would be happy. I didn't do myself any favours by calling Song Song 'Kumikoooo' once. hehe!

Charming-Zhang Yiming, is a good girl and I still care for her so much. this is evident from the fact that I am writing this to get rid of my emotional excess which I am feeling. I accept(as she would) that in juxtaposition to many Chinese she is not the most pretty and her temper was very bad(she made my lip bleed once as I bought Shining a Xmas gift-after she told me too but then said I put more thought into Shining's gift). I recall when i first saw her- September 16t 2004. it was a Thursday and I was walking to the First teaching building to give a lesson at 8pm. I saw this shortish Chinese girl with these glasses walking, her hair was short...I said 'Hi'.She said 'ah you are the new foreign teacher from Oxford'.We talked for abit and then i had to teach. i recall her smile and her voice, I loved her voice. I could not recall her Chinese name for a long time and just called her by her English name 'Charming'. I wanted to see her again and so sent her a SMS saying 'I need to buy some shampoo, can you help me'. this was awhile lie but it worked :). He then had dinner several times and began to become familiar.I will try to find my old diary entries so you can know my feelings then.I met her friends and then during the October National day met her family for the first time.

I recall the first time I kissed Charming, my gosh....we were in my room and I was looking over her work. She said it was hard and put her head on my shoulder. I touched her nose and said any girl who can discuss Foucault with me so easily is pretty smart. We then touched noses, as we often did but I had this urge to kiss her.....

We had many good times and some bad ones and then i had to leave China. I admit i was away for awhile but I thought we are together , she will accept as I am trying to find a job so we can prosper but it seemed she could not. 6 month s later I learn she wanted to 'li huan' and i heard she was seeing another boy-what can i do. I am equally to blame but this doe snot negate the fact that I loved her deeply a nd still have a strong feeling for her, which would imply that I can not fully love song but that is just how it is...

things with Shining and everything else is for another day...

This week will be quite busy but I prefer that to boring...I hope i acns ort all this out soon

Life ....

The pic is me and Charming in Dalian..

I am reminded of...

長相思之一


長相思， 在長安。
絡緯秋啼金井闌， 微霜淒淒簟色寒。
孤燈不明思欲絕， 卷帷望月空長歎。
美人如花隔雲端， 上有青冥之長天，
下有淥水之波瀾。
天長路遠魂飛苦， 夢魂不到關山難。
長相思， 摧心肝。